Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
