Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
