So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
