So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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