so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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