He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
