I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
