so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
