My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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