We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
