he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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