quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
