my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
