i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
