so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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