So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
