a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
