Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
