Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
