JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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