They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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