i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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