I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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