ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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