Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
