We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize