He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
