The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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