I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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