bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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