the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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