shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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