I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
