just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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