i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A bitchslap is in order.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
