threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize