it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
