I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
