Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
