He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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