Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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