I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize