The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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