just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
