Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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