he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Couch. On fire.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
