She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
