Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
