i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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