Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
