yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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