It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
