His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
