Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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