is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
