i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
