So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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