Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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