last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
