It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
