I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize