I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
