Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize