Say something about gay babies.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize