I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
