I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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