Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
