do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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