If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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