watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
