my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
false alarm, still single
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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