i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
