I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
