they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
