dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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