we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
