woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
