So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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