I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
