i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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