I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i think i just lost a toe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize