Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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