I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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