hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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