so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
