I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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