I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
