a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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