Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
