I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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