Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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