He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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