You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
