you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
