I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
