I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
