Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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