they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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