Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
