I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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