Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
