I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
