3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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